Depressed....

You know what, yeah I probably am fucking depressed! I live in a fucking mine field every day of my god damned life. Anything I say could be the next thing to set the bomb off. I am never allow to say anything that he doesn't agree with or it's hell to pay. It doesn't matter how many times I say I don't want to fight, he keeps up with his smart ass comments escalating more and more when the last one doesn't do it. 3 hours of it today, on and on and fucking on. Then I got to sit for over 30 minutes while he stomped me into the ground, saying what a bitch I am, and how I am on a high horse, honest to god, I didn't say a fucking word, but you know what I did do, I started to cry, and that was worse.....then he started making fun of me for it. Then just like always starts throwing divorce in my face to the point all I could say, more truthfully....all I could scream was "I HATE YOU!!!" I got my purse and my keys and got in my jeep and held the peddle to the floor so hard my whole leg was shaking, I got to the end of the road and pulled over and screamed and wailed like a banshee with tears that wouldn't stop, I couldn't breath!!!! I calmed down and drove back roads for more than a half hour and the worst part was when I finally pulled back in the driveway I didn't want to fucking go back in for anything!!!!! I walked in and went and laid down in the bed, all I wanted to do was be left alone, do you think it stopped there .... NOPE..... I got up to get my phone charger and bumped my shoulder into the wall, and he started making fun of me! Not in a haha joking way either.

Now he wants to leave and wants to take the $500 we have left, it is all we have...oh yeah..$644 hit the bank today but all of that but $175 goes out in bills, and I already had to spend $70 of that on diapers and wipes. But he wants me to give him the $500 and says that because I won't I am stealing from him, I told him no that is all I have to make sure Ashley gets what she needs. He said he is turning the ultilites off and I can sue him for child support and until then he doesn't give a fuck.....you know what that means to me.....he doesn't give a fuck, he will do anything to make me miserable and doesn't care if that affects ashley because his goal is to hurt me.

Seriously he wonders why I don't want to have sex with him, Jesus fucking christ!!!!!!!!!! Half of the time he is so busy calling me a cunt and saying hateful things to me that he never stops to think that maybe I just can't forget about that later. Why would I want to be intimate with the person who hurts me the most????

Now he walks up behind me reading what I have typed making fun of me.....Seriously who wouldn't be depressed going through this shit over and over?!?!?!?!?!